Here I am on the eve of Thanksgiving (well, technically it’s Thanksgiving already), and I’m feeling mopey. Browsing the Facebook profiles of my high school chums usually results in me feeling bad about myself, sad to say. I went to a college-prep high school where the majority of the graduates became doctors, lawyers, etc. A large percentage became teachers as well (shout-out to Kevin!), but I conveniently forget these folks when I’m in a mood like this.
Everyone seems so successful, and I just can’t say I feel the same way about myself. What do I have to show for the last thirty years of my life? I certainly don’t have a lot of money or assets. I don’t own a home. I have more bills and loans than I’d care to admit. I’ve found love, but it took a failed marriage to get there. I don’t have any children. Yes, I have a Master’s degree and a teaching career that I’m proud of, but I don’t think that’s the end for me. At least, I hope it’s not the end.
Where’s the excitement in my life? Where’s the adventure? I love normalcy, I love stability, but I want more. I can’t say I know what it’s going to take – what’s going to make me feel fulfilled. I don’t know where I want to go in my career, I don’t have a final destination in sight, although I have some faint aspirations.
I know in the milspouse world, I’m doing fabulously in terms of the career I’ve carved out for myself. I’ve managed to finish my education in a timely fashion and get some good experience and references under my belt. That’s a very difficult thing to achieve as a milspouse, living such a transient lifestyle. But I can’t help but compare myself to those I grew up with. In comparison with those folks, I feel so behind in my accomplishments.
The only one who can make me feel successful and accomplished is myself, I know that. Do these thoughts constantly plague my mind? Of course not. But they do make their way in there from time to time and make me question myself. I want more for myself and I want better for myself. I want to live life to the fullest, give of myself, and use all of my talents. I don’t want to feel like I didn’t take chances or that I missed out on opportunities for greatness.